Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
