sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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