They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
