I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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