I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize