U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
