im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
