I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
