wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
