I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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