Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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