I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
