Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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