dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
