oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
birth control should be required to get into college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
