i think my tv is drunk
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
