I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize