were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
