gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
