Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
