I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
