i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
