I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
