is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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