everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize