Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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