just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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