Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
