I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
