hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
