The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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