If i come over, it means nothing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize