I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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