her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
