i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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