My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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