I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize