4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
