Sry I called you an 8
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
