Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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