I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
