"it" just moved
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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