Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
