She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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