buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
