no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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