I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize