i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
