You're completely useless in the revolution.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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