I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize