yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
