I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
