I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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