wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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