please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
