I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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