So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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