oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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