am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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