Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
