I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
