arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
