OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
