I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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