All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize