Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
