Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
