I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
