just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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