We're facebook friends in real life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
