I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize