my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
