Buhtt sex?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
