this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
