yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
