I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
