I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
