you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
