New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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