is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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