when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
