I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize