This is not my ceiling
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
