I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
