I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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