talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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