did you get engaged???
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
