I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
