As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize