I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you never un-have a 4some
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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