I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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