You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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