I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
