Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
