I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
