Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
