My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
