Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
