Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
