She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
