I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
