they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
