Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
