i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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