I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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