Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
