Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to fling myself into the sun
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
