Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
