I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
