I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
