it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
