got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
